You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty.

Mulan

Ah, the girl power Disney movie of the 90s. Mulan is based on the Chinese folktale in which a daughter takes her unwell father's place in the army to save his life. The movie mostly holds up, but good lord, the cross dressing jokes are a bit too much. Awkward. That being said, the voice acting of Ming-na Wen is amazing, as are the vocals of Lea Salonga. Christina Aguilera's single "Reflection" arguably propelled her into stardom. I remember singing it in my bedroom…by myself...yeah. AWKWARD.

It's interesting that I'm read on IMDB Mulan was made to appease the Chinese government as a response to Kundun, which Disney funded. I'm not sure how true this is, but I wouldn't be surprised.

Plot in a Nutshell: Fa Mulan is a young woman who is actually a tomboy and really doesn't want to be simply a man's wife. After she royally fucks up her interview with the village matchmaker, couriers from the Imperial City arrive with bad news---the Huns have invaded China and the Emperor requires one man from each family to serve in the Imperial Army. But alas, in the Fa family, there's only Mulan's father, who is old and has lingering war injuries. Mulan decides to take his place. Her ancestors try to send The Great Stone Dragon to find her, but he gets destroyed by Mushu, a disgraced family guardian. Mulan ends up becoming a hero, even after being found out, and China is saved thanks to her because women get shit done.

WTF: George Takei, an American of Japanese descent, is the voice of the First Ancestor. Because all Asians are the same right?

Fun Facts are Fun: The names written in the Fa family shrine were the names of the animators who worked on the film. Jackie Chan was the voice of Shang in the Chinese version.

The Verdict: It's a worth a watch.

Unrelated to Mulan, but rest in peace Bill Paxton.

What's the password? Iron Man sucks.

The Lego Batman Movie

I need to confess something, dear readers—I LOVE The Lego Movie. I love it. I really really love it. It's the right mix of hilarious and soul-touching. I own it. I love watching it. In fact, I watched it on Christmas morning because…

EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!

Ahem. When I found out there was going to be a Lego Batman movie, I almost lost it. It's going to be…AWESOME. I swear I'll stop with the awesome. Maybe.

I dragged my friend N to see it with me, and she wasn't exactly excited to see it. By the end though, she thought it was better than she thought it was going to be. However, I thought it was…AWESOME. EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!!!!! I think I love it almost as much as The Lego Movie. It still has that magical mix of funny and yanking on those heartstrings with many Batman self-references.

Plot in a Nutshell: Batman does his thing—stopping criminals in Gotham, giving merchandise to orphans, and eating lobster thermidor. However, when Commissioner Gordon retires and his super cop daughter Barbara takes over, Batman's world is turned upside down. It's also turned upside down because he unintentionally adopts Robin. In order to defeat a very clingy Joker and his evil friends, he must team up with those he cares for most, even though Batman works alone.

WTF: Daleks appear in the movie, but they couldn't say the word "dalek." Is it copyrighted?

Fun Facts are Fun: Will Arnett's two sons Archie and Abel provide additional voices. Billy Dee Williams voices Two Face, and Mariah Carey (yes, that Mariah Carey) did the voice of the Mayor of Gotham City. Ralph Fiennes is the voice of Alfred, and he played Lord Voldemort in the Harry Potter series. I was so hoping he'd voice Voldemort here, but alas no. It was Eddie Izzard.

The Verdict: GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW.

Happy Presidents Day, everyone!

I thought Christmas only comes once a year.

The World is Not Enough

Okay I know this isn't a children's movie. I KNOW. However, this is the first James Bond movie I saw in the theaters back in 1999. I was a kid…and I saw it…so I'm going to do it.

I know many Bond fans have mixed feelings about Pierce Brosnan. You either love his Bond or you hate it. I'm in the camp of liking his Bond. He's just so dreamy…erm, yes he's very to look at…oh wait, he's just fun okay. I think he's trying to be an English Bond, but good lord his Irish accent comes out a lot.

The World is Not Enough is the third Brosnan Bond movie. It's long at two hours and eight minutes. It also feels quite long as well. How the hell did I sit through this thing? As an adult, it still feels quite long. At least the cast is quite good---Robbie Coltrane, Robert Carlyle, Sophie Marceau, and of course Dame Judi Dench.

But then there's Denise Richards as a nuclear scientist…yikes.

Plot in a Nutshell: Okay so I'm going to try to figure this out. James Bond drives a boat after M16 is bombed, killing an oil magnate. The oil magnate's daughter is really hot, and Bond bangs her after hanging out with Russian Robbie Coltrane. But there's her former kidnapper who loves her and they're together? And they kill her dad the oil magnate? And steal a nuclear bomb? For reasons? M is also captured and is a badass. But then the good guys win, and Bond bangs Nuclear Scientist Denise Richards.

WTF: See above. Also, there's a character called Dr. Molly Warmflash. Come on.

Fun Facts are Fun: This was the last movie for Desmond Llewelyn, who played Q. He died in a car accident soon after the movie's premiere. Serena Scott Thomas, the aforementioned Dr. Warmflash, did her love scene herself with no doubles.

The Verdict: Eh not the best Bond outing, but if you want to see some good actors blow shit up, then be my guest.

I'm not even following a schedule anymore, so who knows what I'll do?!?!?

A Jedi Knight? Jeez, I'm out of it for a little while, everyone gets delusions of grandeur!

Star Wars: Episode 6—Return of the Jedi

Return of the Jedi appears to be the one movie of the original trilogy that people seem to be most torn—some love it and some hate it. Like with Empire, without the direction of Richard Marquand and co-writer Lawrence Kasdan, it would've been a very different movie. With age, this, like Empire, holds up incredibly well.

Except for the new Ewok song and the inclusion of the CGI cities and worlds celebrating the end of the Empire. No. No. No. No.

I do have a bone to pick with people though—why don't people love Ewoks more? "Ugh they're too cute and cuddly! Why are they even in a Star Wars movie?" Because they are badasses. These tiny little dudes and ladies have no modern weapons, but they take out Stroomtroopers and Walkers like no big deal.

And I didn't mention Leia's metal bikini once! Oops…I just did.

Plot in a Nutshell: Han gets unfrozen. Yoda dies because he's really really really old. Lando destroys the second Death Star. Leia and Luke are actually twins. Ewoks kill Stormtroopers with rocks and sticks. Vader is redeemed. Presumably, Han and Leia make Kylo Ren after the celebration on Endor.

WTF: How could Leia remember her mother? Padme died giving birth, so unless part of Leia's Force sensitivity is remembering her birth…there's no way she could have.

Fun Facts are Fun: Return of the Jedi was Warwick Davis' debut. The man who plays Vader's body, David Prowse, didn't know that they were going to a reveal of Vader's face. For that scene, it was actor Sebastian Shaw playing Vader. Other actors to be considered for the role of Emperor Palpatine included David Suchet and Ben Kingsley.

The Verdict: Of course watch it.

I'm having a conundrum dear readers—now that I've finished the original trilogy should I do the rest of the prequels?