We're not dating Jones; this is not a date, if it was a date, I would've stood you up!

Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis

Alright, I know I said I was done with the Indiana Jones series. However, this game is actually a pretty important part of it. Along with Maniac Mansion, Day of the Tentacle, and Monkey Island, it's one of LucasArts masterpieces. When I saw it was available on Steam for practically nothing, you bet your butts I jumped on the chance and bought it.

I first played the game in the mid-90s on a computer…because my parents wouldn't let me have any game systems. *silently weeps* Now I have to confess something---that rodent thing in the jungle was something I didn't figure out for several years. I know…I'm an idiot. Other than that, it's not an easy game but definitely worthwhile.

Plot in a Nutshell: Indy is searching for something on the campus of Barnett College and gets assaulted by statues and bookcases. Damn dude. I'm not sure if Workman's Comp was a thing in the 30s, but Indy should apply after that. Anyways, he finds what he was looking for and goes back to his office where Marcus Brody and a "Mr. Smith" is waiting. Turns out Mr. Smith is a Nazi oops. The artifact may be something from Atlantis. As usual, Indy is like, "Atlantis schmantis" but goes to investigate anyways. One of his former students or lovers or coworkers Sophia Hapgood is doing a talk on Atlantis (she considers herself to be an expert and psychic who can connect with an ancient Atlantean being) and Indy decides to ruin it to get her attention. So at this point, Sophia and Indy are off investigating Atlantis and then you have choices about how you want to complete the game---the Team path (you and Sophia do shit together), Brains (using Indy's smarts to get shit done), and Fists (using Indy's fists to get shit done). Depending on the path and the choices you make, Sophia could die, Indy could die (thus ending the game), or you both live and save the world from the Nazis and make out on the top of a submarine. Fuck yeah.

WTF: I guess stuff really was lax at that point, because Sophia stealing artifacts from digs should've been more serious? Those whacky Nazis thinking they could harness the power of Atlantis. This should have been the plot for what turned out to be Crystal Skull. Sigh. The "things" the two Nazis turn into after messing around the Atlantean god machine are horrifying, as is what happens when you "meet" Sophia's Atlantean friend.

Fun Facts are Fun: The game was released in 1992. Fate of Atlantis was supposed to have a sequel, but it never worked out. *sad trombone* In 1999, PC Gamer voted it the 42^nd Best Video Game of All Time. There are several LucasArts Easter eggs hidden in the game, including on Crete.

The Verdict: Hard as fuck but worth it. Get it now.

As always, if you have any requests, send them my way!