I didn't send you a Christmas card, Charlie Brown.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown is the granddaddy of the Halloween specials. A Charlie Brown Christmas is the granddaddy of all the granddaddies of the Christmas specials. In 1965, commercialism was already a problem at Christmas. And now…it's still a massive problem. It's my biggest problem with the Christmas season. It's supposed to be about spending time with the people you love and being generous, not about Black Friday and how much money you spend on presents.

But enough about my self-righteous Christmas commercialism anger.

I love A Charlie Brown Christmas. I love it so much. Other than the weirdo Christian Bible reading, it's perfection. Vince Guaraldi's music is perfect. The sentiment is perfect.

IT'S PERFECT, OKAY.

Plot in a Nutshell: Christmastime is here…Charlie Brown is having the sadz during the Christmas season. In order to get him out of his funk, Lucy enlists him to be director of their Christmas pageant. When no one listens, Lucy has another BRILLIANT idea—go get an awesome Christmas tree. Charlie Brown, however, picks a tiny sapling that can't even hold one ornament. Everyone laughs at him. Charlie Brown is on the edge of an emotional cliff, calling out in desperation, "Does anyone know what Christmas is all about?!" Linus then goes into his super Christian speech about the birth of Jesus. Charlie Brown leaves with his sapling, and everyone follows him. Like everyone. They all follow him. Just. Very. Slowly. When Charlie Brown tries to put an ornament on the tree, he finally spirals into full blown epic sadz. The kids take all of Snoopy's decorations and magically the sapling becomes a REAL LIFE CHRISTMAS TREE. Then they all sing "Hark the Herald" under the stars.

WTF: Charlie Brown suffers from major depression. He has to. That poor kid needs medication and maybe…homeschooling? Going to private school? Away from all the devil children?

Fun Facts are Fun: According to IMDB, the young actress who voiced Sally had to be fed her lines, because she didn't know how to read yet.

The Verdict: If you watch this and feel all the feelings, you're a soulless robot from hell.

Next week, it's one of my favorites—it involves Muppets, Michael Caine, and a rat.