Memorial Day Weekend

Hello dear readers,

Since it's Memorial Day weekend in the States, I'm forgoing Last Crusade for this week...don't worry though! I'll do it for next weekend.

And I have something interesting coming up in a few weeks, so stay tuned!

If you think I'm going to Delhi with you, or anyplace else after all the trouble you've gotten me into, think again, buster! I'm going home to Missouri where they never feed you snakes before ripping your heart out and lowering you into hot pits! This is NOT my idea of a swell time!

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

#UnpopularOpinion alert, dear readers. Temple of Doom is actually my favorite Indiana Jones movie. I love it. I love it so much.

And oddly enough, it's actually a prequel to Raiders. It starts in Shanghai, at Club Obi Wan (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) and moves to India.

Again, the John Williams score is amazing, the supporting cast is great, the direction is flawless, and the formula works. IT WORKS. So why was Crystal Skull…no. No. No. I'm not going there. I'm never going there. It doesn't exist.

Plot in a Nutshell: Indy is in Shanghai, negotiating with a Chinese warlord over the remains of an Emperor. But this is Indy and things are never simple, so he's poisoned, his friend is murdered and dies in his arms, and there's a fight in the club. Fellow 'Merican Willie Scott "tags along" with Indy and his buddy Short Round…unfortunately the plane they escape on is owned by the warlord. Oops. They make a crash landing in India and make their way to a village, where there's famine and the children have all disappeared because a magic stone was stolen by the local maharaja and an old cult that's returned. After the worst dinner reception ever at the palace and another murder attempt, Indy discovers the cult is alive and well and wants the stones to rule the world. But this is Indy, and nothing is ever easy. Willie is captured, Short Round is forced to work with the children as slave labor, and Indy is temporarily forced into the cult by drinking blood?! Short Round "wakes" Indy up, saves Willie from human sacrifice, frees the kids, has a wild mine cart run, defeats the cult leader, and returns the stone to the village along with their children. Oh, and a guy's heart gets removed from his chest at one point no biggie.

WTF: Were the British really that unaware that an entire village's children went missing? Really? Come on.

Fun Facts are Fun: Dan Aykroyd has a cameo as a British poultry businessman. Temple of Doom was Jonathan Ke Quan's film debut. Dear readers, you may also know him from The Goonies. Steven Spielberg met his future wife Kate Capshaw during filming. They were unable to get permission to film in India, so Temple of Doom was filmed in Sri Lanka.

The Verdict: I know some people don't like it, but I do so watch it.

Next week it's Last Crusade. Those wacky Nazis are back!

It's Mother's Day!

Taking the week off, dear readers, because it's Mother's Day!

Enjoy it! :)

Asps... very dangerous. You go first.

Raiders of the Lost Ark

It's so odd that I haven't done any of the Indiana Jones movies yet on the blog. Well, problem solved!

As a kid, I had a massive crush on Harrison Ford not only because of Star Wars but because of the Indiana Jones series. That man just oozes charisma. Which doesn't sound creepy. At all. However, it's not just because of the amazingness of Harrison Ford that this series succeeds. It's also because of the magic combination of Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Lawrence Kasdan, John Williams, and later on, Kathleen Kennedy. It worked for three movies in the best way.

The casting was also brilliant too, not just for Raiders but the whole series. Jonathan Rhys-Davies as Sallah, Paul Freeman as Rene Belloq, Denholm Elliot as Marcus (RIP), and of course the flawless Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood. She and Harrison Ford have some of the best chemistry around.

And we'll never mention Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Ever. Doesn't exist.

Plot in a Nutshell: Dr. Indiana Jones is trying to capture an idol from South America. Unfortunately, after a series of events, one of his rivals, Dr. Rene Belloq ends up taking the idol from him. He's also a really hot teacher, so I don't blame those girls at all. Oh snap, here comes the government. Now, this is before World War 2, so the US isn't exactly anti-Nazi Germany at this point, but here it seems like they know some shit will go down. Indy has to go find his mentor Abner Ravenwood, who has some sort of connection to the Ark of the Covenant. Indy, and some Nazis, go to Nepal, where they find a very drunk Marion Ravenwood in her Nepalese bar. Abner is dead, and Marion isn't exactly too happy to see Indy. After the Nazis torture her and the bar burns down, they go to Cairo to meet up with Indy's buddy Sallah. Hijinks ensue with Marion being kidnapped and hit on by Belloq, Indy and Sallah discover the Ark, Marion and Indy get buried alive in a cavern full of snakes, Marion and Indy escape, get the Ark back, then get on a boat where the Ark is stolen AGAIN, and then they finally get captured by Nazis. Those whacky Nazis and Belloq open the Ark on some random island in the Mediterranean. They all die, except Marion and Indy because they don't actually look at it. Marion and Indy go off into the sunset, and the Ark is put in storage somewhere in Washington, D.C. because OF COURSE.

WTF: Marion drinks A LOT, you guys. How does she still have a liver? Man, Belloq must really love archeology to align himself with the Nazis. When Marion and Indy meet again, she says "I was a child" when they had their doomed romance. Like…was she a teenager? That's statutory rape, Indy. FYI. Harrison Ford also stapled the hat to his head. OUCH.

Fun Facts are Fun: Raiders was the film debut for Alfred Molina. Harrison Ford wasn't supposed to shoot the swordsman in Cairo. He and the crew had food poisoning, and he wasn't up to doing the stunt, hence the shooting. Steven Spielberg cast Karen Allen after seeing her in Animal House.

The Verdict: It's on Prime Streaming right now, so fucking watch it.

I think it's time to do the whole series now. All three of them. Remember, Crystal Skull doesn't exist.