If you think I'm going to Delhi with you, or anyplace else after all the trouble you've gotten me into, think again, buster! I'm going home to Missouri where they never feed you snakes before ripping your heart out and lowering you into hot pits! This is NOT my idea of a swell time!

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

#UnpopularOpinion alert, dear readers. Temple of Doom is actually my favorite Indiana Jones movie. I love it. I love it so much.

And oddly enough, it's actually a prequel to Raiders. It starts in Shanghai, at Club Obi Wan (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) and moves to India.

Again, the John Williams score is amazing, the supporting cast is great, the direction is flawless, and the formula works. IT WORKS. So why was Crystal Skull…no. No. No. I'm not going there. I'm never going there. It doesn't exist.

Plot in a Nutshell: Indy is in Shanghai, negotiating with a Chinese warlord over the remains of an Emperor. But this is Indy and things are never simple, so he's poisoned, his friend is murdered and dies in his arms, and there's a fight in the club. Fellow 'Merican Willie Scott "tags along" with Indy and his buddy Short Round…unfortunately the plane they escape on is owned by the warlord. Oops. They make a crash landing in India and make their way to a village, where there's famine and the children have all disappeared because a magic stone was stolen by the local maharaja and an old cult that's returned. After the worst dinner reception ever at the palace and another murder attempt, Indy discovers the cult is alive and well and wants the stones to rule the world. But this is Indy, and nothing is ever easy. Willie is captured, Short Round is forced to work with the children as slave labor, and Indy is temporarily forced into the cult by drinking blood?! Short Round "wakes" Indy up, saves Willie from human sacrifice, frees the kids, has a wild mine cart run, defeats the cult leader, and returns the stone to the village along with their children. Oh, and a guy's heart gets removed from his chest at one point no biggie.

WTF: Were the British really that unaware that an entire village's children went missing? Really? Come on.

Fun Facts are Fun: Dan Aykroyd has a cameo as a British poultry businessman. Temple of Doom was Jonathan Ke Quan's film debut. Dear readers, you may also know him from The Goonies. Steven Spielberg met his future wife Kate Capshaw during filming. They were unable to get permission to film in India, so Temple of Doom was filmed in Sri Lanka.

The Verdict: I know some people don't like it, but I do so watch it.

Next week it's Last Crusade. Those wacky Nazis are back!