Asps... very dangerous. You go first.

Raiders of the Lost Ark

It's so odd that I haven't done any of the Indiana Jones movies yet on the blog. Well, problem solved!

As a kid, I had a massive crush on Harrison Ford not only because of Star Wars but because of the Indiana Jones series. That man just oozes charisma. Which doesn't sound creepy. At all. However, it's not just because of the amazingness of Harrison Ford that this series succeeds. It's also because of the magic combination of Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Lawrence Kasdan, John Williams, and later on, Kathleen Kennedy. It worked for three movies in the best way.

The casting was also brilliant too, not just for Raiders but the whole series. Jonathan Rhys-Davies as Sallah, Paul Freeman as Rene Belloq, Denholm Elliot as Marcus (RIP), and of course the flawless Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood. She and Harrison Ford have some of the best chemistry around.

And we'll never mention Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Ever. Doesn't exist.

Plot in a Nutshell: Dr. Indiana Jones is trying to capture an idol from South America. Unfortunately, after a series of events, one of his rivals, Dr. Rene Belloq ends up taking the idol from him. He's also a really hot teacher, so I don't blame those girls at all. Oh snap, here comes the government. Now, this is before World War 2, so the US isn't exactly anti-Nazi Germany at this point, but here it seems like they know some shit will go down. Indy has to go find his mentor Abner Ravenwood, who has some sort of connection to the Ark of the Covenant. Indy, and some Nazis, go to Nepal, where they find a very drunk Marion Ravenwood in her Nepalese bar. Abner is dead, and Marion isn't exactly too happy to see Indy. After the Nazis torture her and the bar burns down, they go to Cairo to meet up with Indy's buddy Sallah. Hijinks ensue with Marion being kidnapped and hit on by Belloq, Indy and Sallah discover the Ark, Marion and Indy get buried alive in a cavern full of snakes, Marion and Indy escape, get the Ark back, then get on a boat where the Ark is stolen AGAIN, and then they finally get captured by Nazis. Those whacky Nazis and Belloq open the Ark on some random island in the Mediterranean. They all die, except Marion and Indy because they don't actually look at it. Marion and Indy go off into the sunset, and the Ark is put in storage somewhere in Washington, D.C. because OF COURSE.

WTF: Marion drinks A LOT, you guys. How does she still have a liver? Man, Belloq must really love archeology to align himself with the Nazis. When Marion and Indy meet again, she says "I was a child" when they had their doomed romance. Like…was she a teenager? That's statutory rape, Indy. FYI. Harrison Ford also stapled the hat to his head. OUCH.

Fun Facts are Fun: Raiders was the film debut for Alfred Molina. Harrison Ford wasn't supposed to shoot the swordsman in Cairo. He and the crew had food poisoning, and he wasn't up to doing the stunt, hence the shooting. Steven Spielberg cast Karen Allen after seeing her in Animal House.

The Verdict: It's on Prime Streaming right now, so fucking watch it.

I think it's time to do the whole series now. All three of them. Remember, Crystal Skull doesn't exist.