Morphological Beings and Dinosaur Fossils

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie

  

I was so excited for this one. You have no idea. I hadn't seen Power Rangers in years (at least ten, maybe fifteen), and I was super hyped to see one of my favorite childhood movies.

Then my boyfriend and I watched it, and Power Rangers is…really bad. Honestly, it's not just really bad. It's more like super-duper crazy awful. The effects, even for the time, are badly done. The dialogue is horrific ("You ooze, you lose" oy vey). This broke my heart a little. I loved this movie. I wanted to be the Pink Ranger (who didn't?!). I wanted to date Tommy. I wanted to be part of the team even though I had no karate or gymnastics skills and could barely walk without tripping over my own feet.

I wanted this movie to hold up. I really did. Unfortunately, it holds up as well as a mayo-based salad left outside on a hot summer day.

Plot in a Nutshell: Some bananas at a construction site in Angel Grove accidentally uncover "Morphological Being" Ivan Ooze. Before the Rangers can hide his purple egg prison, Rita and Zedd show up and free him. Ooze tries to take over the world and nearly destroys the command center. Alpha sends the Rangers to a planet reminiscent of the world Luke Skywalker was on at the end of The Force Awakens. Dulcea, an awesome lady with a cool stick, gives them animal ninja powers, and they defeat dinosaur fossils to get the power of the universe to defeat Ooze, save the world, and bring Zordon back to life. Oh, and there's a kid who rallies the other kids to save their parents from jumping to their deaths. And Bulk and Skull are there too.

WTF: Who lets high school students jump out of a plane for a fundraiser? Why is the comet named Ryan's Comet? Is that Zedd's brain pulsating? Who takes free ooze from a creepy-looking wizard guy who just appears out of nowhere? What sort of magic makes dinosaur fossils come to life? Why, oh why, can no one figure out that these six are the Power Rangers? THEY ARE COLOR COORDINATED, PEOPLE.

Fun Facts are Fun: Paul Freeman, who played Ivan Ooze, also played René Belloq in Raiders of the Lost Art.

The Verdict: Oh good lawd have mercy, this was awful. My childhood is ruined.

Join me next week for Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation. Feel free to comment---I'll take the good, the bad, and the ugly.