But don't worry guys... you're not going to Space Camp but at least you've got those remote control trucks and your confidence.

A TV Interlude: Legends of the Hidden Temple

So I promised something different this week—not only am I doing a television interlude but I also have a co-blogger this week! My wonderful best friend Brina will be covering one of our favorite childhood television shows—Legends of the Hidden Temple. What a cheesy Nickelodeon show. Kirk Fogg and Olmec with crazy ass Temple Guards slowly torture children who run through a maze, all under the guise of being slightly educational.

Brina and I did not watch the entire series (we're ADULTS and don't have time for that insanity). We watched two episodes (thanks YouTube!). It's as cheesy, corny, and entertaining as it was when we watched it as kids.

Brina is going to be in this font. I'll be in my trusty Times New Roman.

Oh Legends of the Hidden Temple, it’s no wonder I loved this show so much. Pairing physical challenges with fun stories from history. I wanted to be on this show so badly as a kid. And while it was fun to watch, it was always so STRESSFUL rooting for the teams to get the final prize. In addition to loving this show as a kid, I rewatched it several times later in life with my amazing friend Vikki, and it is just as stressful now as it was then. Let’s get this show on the road, the ancient road, to the ancient temple, that is…

Plot in a Nutshell: Teams compete in various challenges (physical and one trivia) in order to get to the final stage of going through the temple to obtain the historical artifact du jour. Teams get narrowed down further and further throughout the challenges until one team remains and they get to try their luck at the temple.

Specifically, the two episodes we're reviewing are Lawrence of Arabia's Headdress and Icarus' Broken Wing aka one of these things was a thing and one of these things is a myth but whatever.

We'll start with Lawrence of Arabia's Headdress. Cross dat moat. I guess a savings bond from Hershey is a cool prize? Better than a can of tuna. Steps of Knowledge…AKA did you pay attention? Did the green monkeys just say camels store their water in their “lump”? Or hump, either way, it’s legit! Did they seriously give away a gift card for Fashion Bug? Not bad, still better than tuna. The prizes should be get exponentially better, if I remember correctly. Now it's time to get to know the contestants aka here's one fact about each of you that's supposing to be interesting but it's not. Ehh here is get to know the teams. Blah blah Red Jaguars one plays the trumpet.one of the green monkeys writes “radio plays,” whatever those are. Like, do the radio plays actually get played on the radio? Time for physical challenges in which the teams can win bits of a pedant of life for the Temple Run. My childhood and adult playtime pastimes are colliding! Except you don't win pedants of life, dear. *wink* Let’s see the Red Jaguars consolation prize—a Simpsons game for the Sega Genesis! That is pretty cool, I’d like that now…in addition to a working Sega Genesis. Or maybe I just need to get my emulator skills back up and running. Time for the Temple Run!!!!!! The three prizes are My Magic Diary, a karaoke machine, and a trip Cayman Islands! Still not better than Space Camp, sorry not sorry. Oh this will never not be stressful to watch, move faster! Candace encounters two temple guards so now it’s her teammate’s turn. Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to be as fast as her. Nah he was slow as hell. He still got the headdress out of the Temple though so yay!

Now it's time for Icarus and his broken ass wing. The first test, swing on rope across a murky put of water, er the moat. The rope is apparently “ancient” according to Olmec. Call me crazy, I would be nervous swinging on an “ancient” rope. The risk of deterioration and disintegration? But, as Olmec says, “Let’s Rock the Moat.” The prize are BK RatchTech sneakers. Better than tuna. Steps of Knowledge aka don't listen to eagles, kids. Consolation prize—Sleeping Beauty limited edition home video. Not bad, a classic Disney movie. I kind of miss that sound of rewinding VHS tapes…until I need to skip scenes on a DVD. Physical challenges to win pendants blah blah blah. But there needs to be a tiebreaker! OH SNAP. Green Monkeys get the question, they win. The consolation for the silver snakes is- a savings bond from Sketchers. Um, I guess that’s cool. A step up from ring pops and tuna? Indeed, dear. Temple Run! Bonus points for Olmec saying “Shrine of the SIIIIIIILVER monkey” kind of funny. Let’s see how Jason does. Prize is- Sanibel Island. Not space camp, but not a lame ranch either. Goddamn that kid was slow as goddamn molasses. AAAAnnnd he gets the wing but takes his dear sweet time getting back and missed getting the big prize. If I were his partner, I'd cut a bitch.

WTF: Olmec in general. He's so wtf but so great at the same time.

Fun Facts are Fun: Kirk Fogg is still around, you guys! There was a Nick movie based on the show that came out late last year, so that may be a thing we do…

The Verdict: Overall with the rewatch, the show has a lot of fun value, and it holds up over time. It’s gimmicky, but they play their gimmick out whole-heartedly and by George I still love that gimmick. Dare I say, I think this could be successful if they tried to revive it. Not with that movie though…that just looks like a terrible idea. What she said.

Thanks dear! Next week, dear readers, it'll be back to normal with Return of the Jedi to complete the Carrie Fisher Rest in Peace Tour on the blog.

Heh, if you hit the wrong note, we'll all "B flat!"

The Goonies

Okay, I love this movie you guys. I. Love. It. I wanted to go on an adventure like Mikey and the other Goonies and find pirate treasure in Connecticut. It's such a great mix of a teenage comedy with adventure and drama. Our intrepid heroes, though sometimes deeply annoying because, you know, they're teenagers, are still likeable…you want them to succeed in saving their homes from that douchebag developer. The villains are just as amazing. Who isn't afraid of Anne Ramsey? I still am. Robert Davi and Joe Pantoliano are hilarious as her two villain sons.

But Goonies belongs to Sloth. HEY YOU GUYS!

Goonies is so 80s but in the best possible way. Songs with Cyndi Lauper, Corey Feldman, Robert Davi, and Richard Donner at the height of his powers—what's better than that?

Plot in a Nutshell: In Astoria, Oregon, a massive dickwad developer is buying up all the houses along the "Goon Docks" including asthmatic Mikey and his exercise-obsessed older brother Brand's as well as inventor Data's, annoying Mouth's, and literal idiot Chunk's. Mikey and his friends take matters into their own hands to try to find One Eyed Willy's lost pirate treasure to help save their homes. Brand, tasked with bringing Mikey home, and cheerleader Andy and her best friend Stef join up as well. Hijinks ensue. The kids defeat not just the outlaw Fratelli family but also all of One Eyed Willy's booby traps to save their homes. Sloth gets a new, happy home with Chunk. Mikey suddenly doesn't need his inhaler anymore.

WTF: Though I only just realized this movie takes place in Oregon right now. Oops. Where did Mouth learn how to speak and read Spanish fluently? Surely not school? Why the hell hadn't Social Services taken Sloth away from his evil as fuck mother and two sadistic siblings? No one, in all that time, ever successfully navigated One Eyed Willy's caves? Really? Or…did they all die? I cannot imagine any parent letting his/her kids out by themselves, doing what the kids did then, now.

Fun Facts are Fun: Jonathan Ke Huy Quan, who plays Data, was also in another iconic 80s movie—Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Goonies was Josh Brolin's debut. The script was written by Chris Columbus, the man who directed Home Alone and the first two Harry Potter movies. One producer of Goonies was Steven Spielberg, who apparently directed at least one scene.

The Verdict: Goonies, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

I'm doing something very special for the blog next week—a TV Interlude! I'll have a very special guest blogging with me. Stay tuned!

Apology accepted, Captain Needa.

Star Wars: Episode 5—The Empire Strikes Back

You know, Empire has never been my favorite Star Wars movie. However, I think that might have changed after this most recent viewing. God, it just keeps getting better with time.

And it makes me miss Carrie Fisher even more.

This movie is also definitive proof that George Lucas needed others with differing viewpoints around him during the prequels. I'm not sure how Empire would have turned out without Irvin Kershner, Leigh Brackett, and Lawrence Kasdan.

Plot in a Nutshell: The Empire…strikes back. Luke discovers who his father is. Han gets turned into a popsicle. Leia gets hit on by everyone and remains a badass. The hyperdrive on the Falcon is still a piece of shit.

WTF: That kiss between Luke and Leia is awkward as fuck in hindsight.

Fun Facts are Fun: According to IMDB, "Mark Hamill had to bang his head 16 times on the ceiling of Yoda's hut before Irvin Kershner was satisfied." Ouch. Empire was selected by the US National Film Registry to be preserved in 2010. George Lucas lobbied to get Frank Oz an Oscar nomination as Best Supporting Actor.

The Verdict: FUCKING GO WATCH THIS RIGHT NOW!

Next week it's movie request week!

Dear readers, I'm asking for requests! Please leave a comment here, on my twitter @vikkiabby, or on my FB. 

Don't be frightened, young man. My bark is worse than my bite.

Pocahontas

I already put off this movie once already. I almost wanted to do Empire Strikes Back, but I have that down for next week!

Now, back to Pocahontas, it's a visually stunning movie. The sequences for "Color of the Wind" are just gorgeous.

In case you all didn't guess I'm a white person. I know this movie deals with very serious issues like racism, exploitation, and colonialism. Pocahontas's tribe has a page entitled "The Pocahontas Myth." Here's the link: http://www.powhatan.org/pocc.html. I'll provide a few little nuggets of info, but really, please read it. Matoaka was Pocahontas's real name. She was held captive by the English for a year. As part of her negotiated release, she had to marry John Rolfe. I encourage all my readers to learn more about the real woman.

Plot in a Nutshell: White people come to America and fuck it up. Meeko eats a lot.

WTF: Real life Pocahontas was ten years old when the events of this movie happened. Yikes. It sounds like Mel Gibson is using his Australian accent in this? I think?

Fun Facts are Fun: According to IMDB, Sean Bean almost voiced John Smith, but Disney wanted a more well-known actor. Grandmother Willow was supposed to be a male character voiced by Gregory Peck, but he felt that the part would be better if character was a woman. Real John Smith was kind of an asshole. David Ogden Stiers voiced not only Governor Radcliffe but also his servant Wiggins and Cogsworth in Beauty and the Beast.

The Verdict: The animation is great if you're into that.

Next week it's another Star Wars movie because…I say so! It's Empire Strikes Back. Do I love it as much as everyone else? Or…do I prefer another?

Dear readers, I'm asking for requests! Please leave a comment here, on my twitter @vikkiabby, or on my FB. 

I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.

Star Wars: Episode 4—A New Hope

I know I was supposed to do Matilda this week, but in light of Carrie Fisher's death, I decided to change the schedule. I don't remember exactly when I watched A New Hope the first time. It probably was when I was rummaging through our video tapes and found it. The first copy was recorded off of TV. I don't even know the exact moment I fell in love in Star Wars.

I just know that I did, and it changed my life. It started me down a path of being a giant nerd and loving sci-fi. Star Wars was my first sci-fi movie love, and one day on the blog, I'll talk about the two shows that are my TV loves.

But back to A New Hope. Who didn't love Princess Leia being a badass with a blaster and snark to match? What person didn't want to bang Han Solo? Who didn't want to slap Luke's whiny head a few times before he realized it's not all about himself? Hey, at least he learned that lesson…unlike…HIS FATHER.

This is the first time I've see A New Hope after watching Rogue One, and damn, it makes a lot more sense why there was a damn open exhaust port that could destroy the station. RIP the crew of Rogue One and Galen Erso.

Plot in a Nutshell: A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…a bratty teenager didn't want to work on his aunt and uncle's moisture farm…

WTF: Considering when Obi-Wan leaves Luke with Owen and Beru at the end of Revenge of the Sith he's in his mid to late thirties, damn he's had some hard living in the next twenty years to look like Sir Alec Guinness. Woof. Same with Owen and Beru.

Fun Facts are Fun: According to IMDB, when Luke and Leia swing to safety, no stunt doubles were used. It really was Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill.

The Verdict: Just go watch it…and grab someone who's never seen it to watch it as well.

Finally I'm going to do Pocahontas next week. Hide your wives, hide your kids.

Dear readers, I'm asking for requests! Please leave a comment here, on my twitter @vikkiabby, or on my FB.